Money Magazine sponsored a nationwide survey of 1,000 spouses to learn more about how couples manage financial matters.  What did they learn?

• 84% report that money causes tension in their marriage.

• 70% reported arguing about money.  Money is the cause of more fights than sex or in-laws. 

• 15% say they fight about money several times a month.

• Men and women often take on different financial roles.  64% of women are responsible for the day-to-day spending in their homes compared to 22% of the men.  However, 73% of men are responsible for investment planning compared to 22% of the women.

Said one person, typical of many, “The only time we really talk about money is when there is a problem.”

"Making a Love Connection" has lasting benefits

Making a Love Connection: Teen Relationships, Pregnancy, and Marriage—authored by Barbara Dafoe Whitehead and Marline Pearson and made possible by funding from the Achelis Foundation—makes a compelling case for decreasing teen pregnancy as one means to increase the proportion of children who grow up in healthy, married families. Two issues facing teens today are (1) the increasingly prolonged passage from adolescence to adulthood and (2) the extent to which young people are bombarded by sexual messages. They note that many young people are in the dark about the economic and social benefits of a low-conflict and long lasting marriage for men, women, and children.

Teens have high aspirations for relationships and marriage...
• The vast majority of high school seniors believe that marriage is extremely important and that they
will marry in the future.
• 85% of teens believe that sex should only occur in a long-term, committed relationship and that teen pregnancy prevention programs should teach young people to be married before having children.

Teens also approve of cohabitation and unwed childbearing
• Marriage and birth patterns among teens have changed over time, shifting from a general trend of marrying before pregnancy, to marrying as a result of pregnancy, to becoming pregnant and not marrying.
• Two-thirds of teens think it is okay to have sex with someone they have strong affection for and to live with someone outside of marriage.
• Nearly 60% of girls aged 15-17 and 73% of those aged 18-19 approve of unwed childbearing.

The report discusses a “success sequence”— the optimal timing of sex, marriage, and parenthood.
Simply stated, the “success sequence” is:
• First, finish high school, or, even better, finish college.
• Wait until your 20’s to get married.
• Finally, wait to have children until after marriage.

Individuals who follow this sequence of life events are the most likely to avoid poverty, do well economically, and have a successful, stable marriage. A child born to an unmarried teen mother who has not finished high school is 9 times more likely to live in poverty than a child born to an adult parent who is married and has graduated from high school.

For over 38 years, The Family Life Council has been providing programs across Guilford County which help build and strengthen healthy relationships. Some of our programs include: Couple Communication; PREPARE: Before you get married; Wise Guys - Teen Pregnancy Prevention; Good Beginnings for Teen Parents; Parent Education Classes; Talking with Adolescents about Sexuality. You can discover more by visiting the Family Life Council and the Guilford County Marriage Resource Center Websites for information about our programs and how you can be involved in making a difference in Guilford County

This article and statistics are drawn from the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy. To download or order Making a Love Connection, or to view related materials from the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, please visit www.teenpregnancy.org.

Confessions of a Newlywed

I knew I was in love the day I met him. We were both young, full of dreams and we knew marriage was in our future. Our wedding was perfect, and we were excited to start our lives together. The expectations we had for our future were fresh in our minds, but reality wasn't far away.

I started to learn that the first years are not the honeymoon as people had predicted. Rather, it is the time you realize shortcomings and experience conflict. Some lessons we learned were:

• Avoiding conflict wasn't the answer.
• We learned what signals we each gave right before we blew up and we both tried to give the other person space to cool off. Addressing an issue when you are both angry is not productive.
• We learned how to argue about the issue not the topic. Many times I would get so upset when he didn't acknowledge something I did, but in reality the real issue was that I felt unappreciated. When we learned how to recognize the real issue, problems started to be solved instead of repeating over and over again.
• Do not fight dirty. You know what will hurt your spouse the most and so you bring those up right when the argument gets good and heated. We found that this tactic only added to the fuel and never gets anything solved.
• Realize your part in the problem and slowly begin owning your own feelings and emotions. I have learned to let some things go.

It wasn't easy and there are still times that are hard. We can now look back and see how we grew, not apart but together. Our love has become deeper than we ever dreamed, and it brings a security that a marriage needs. We know there are obstacles ahead, but we are not going to quit, because the hard times are the bridge that we have to cross in order to experience true joy in our marriage.

The author is Amy Owen, an intern at the Family Life Council. She is attending UNCG and will graduate in May 2007. She and her husband have been married for two and a half years.

The Guilford County Marriage Resource Center offers various classes and workshops on Marriage Enrichment , Couple Communication, as well as the PREPARE inventories. For more information, contact Rebecca Starnes at 333-6890 ext. 227.

  Join the planning team for Marriage Month to be celebrated in February 2007.

   Become a volunteer for the Marriage Resource Center.  You can contribute in a variety of ways, from office support to leading a small group. 

    Submit a program in this community to the Community Marriage Calendar. 
Let us know what is going on at your place of worship or other community site.

  Donate books or other materials to the Resource Library. Help us grow our resources.

To learn more of how you can contribute to Guilford County marriages, contact Rebecca Starnes or LaMonica Mitchell.