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in this JANUARY issue....
As Guilford County’s only agency specifically focused on family life and parent education, the Family Life Council provides accessible, high quality, and diverse programs, resources and advocacy for today’s families, educators and community agencies.

February 2006 is Guilford County Marriage Month

Tune up your marriage by attending a locally-sponsored workshop.

 

Go to www.gcmarriage.org to submit an event your group is sponsoring.

 

To subscribe or unsubscribe visit info@gcmarriage.org and put
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Events of Interest

8 Habits of Successful Marriage
Wednesdays, January 18-March 22 6:30 – 7:30pm
Westminster Presb. Church - 3906 W. Friendly Ave

Survival Skills for Healthy Families: Family Table
Wednesdays, January 18, 25 and February 1 6:30 – 7:30pm
Christ United Methodist Church - 410 N Holden Road

Conflict Resolution for Adults
Tuesday, February 7 6:30 – 8:00pm
Hemphill Library; 2301 W. Vandalia Road

Enriching Your Marriage Ministry
Thursday, February 9 7:00 – 8:30pm
Dorothy Bardolph Building, 2nd Floor Board Room

Couple Communication
Saturday, February 18, 2006 8:30am -2:00pm
Dorothy Bardolph Building, 2nd Floor Board Room

Saving Your Marriage Before it Starts
Saturday, March 25, 2006 9:00am – 12:30pm
Dorothy Bardolph Building, 2nd Floor Board Room


“Some of the best lessons we ever learn we learn from our mistakes and failures. The error of the past is the wisdom of the future. "

~Tryon Edwards

Somebody is Watching You

The National Fatherhood Initiative recently published an article adapted from the book What Children Learn from their Parents’ Marriage by Judith Siegel. They remind us that our children are learning from us even when we are not aware. They learn from us when we try to teach them and they learn from watching how we interact with others.

When it comes to marriage, little eyes are watching how their parents and other married couples interact with one another. They see gestures we may believe are hidden – good and bad. They are developing ideas of what it means to be married and how men and women should behave. They may not be aware and they probably won’t talk to you about it. But we must remember that without even realizing it, they are preparing for their own future relationships.

Contact the Marriage Resource Center about our program entitled, "Keeping your Marriage Strong while Parenting." We can customize this program for your school, faith group or other organization.

Conversation Starters...

When you have been in a relationship with someone for a long time it is too easy to let conversations stall, to assume we know what our partner thinks and we have heard all the stories. Make a choice to keep things fresh – people change, we forget stories we have heard, and we may not have heard it all. Using books like Love Talk Starters by Les and Leslie Parrott can be a fun way to get a new conversation going. Here are a couple of ideas from this book:

  • What is your idea of a PERFECT wedding anniversary celebration?
  • Finish this sentence: When it comes to our marriage, I love…

Solve It Now!

Experiencing problems in our lives, whether small hiccups or large crises, is one constant that connects each one of us. While we cannot prevent all problems, we can learn strategies to help us cope and survive.

Here are Joel Saltzman’s 12 Top Tips to Solve it Now!

Like to try a more "creative" approach to solving your problem or finding a great solution?
Here are 12 Top Tips to "Solve It NOW!" and get you started on the road to innovation.

1. BE OPTIMISTIC
The more you believe you can solve your problem, the more you'll keep at it. Know that it may take some time, but eventually you'll discover one or more solutions — maybe even some extraordinary ones.

2. BE CLEAR
Never try to solve a problem before you know what it is: Write down your problem in the form of a clear, precise question and you're halfway to the answer. Then again: Always pose your question at least two very different ways. For example ...

3. ASK, "WHAT'S THE 'OPPOSITE' OF MY QUESTION?"
Remember Tom Sawyer and the fence that needed mending? Instead of asking,
"How can I do this work?" he asked: "How can someone else do all this fun?"

4. QUESTION YOUR ASSUMPTIONS
Make a list of everything about your situation that you know to be true -- no matter how small or insignificant it may seem. Now go back and question every assumption you've made. "Is that really so? Does it have to be that way? How could it be done some other way?"

5. PRACTICE PIE-IN-THE-SKY THINKING
Allow yourself to look for wild, outlandish ideas -- even if they seem impossible at first. As Einstein put it: "If at first an idea is not absurd, then there is no hope for it."

Most of us would go, "That's a crazy idea -- forget about it." To which Einstein would counter: "Got a crazy idea? Let's take a look at it!"

6. THINK OF YOUR ABSOLUTE WORST IDEA
Why worry about trying to come up with a great idea when it's so much easier to come up with a rotten idea! Freed from trying to come up with the greatest idea ever, you might just discover that a terrible idea can be "tweaked" into greatness.

7. BE PERSISTENT -- NEVER TAKE "YES" FOR AN ANSWER
Instead of saying, "Yes, that's it!," learn to say, "Well, that could be it." Then go find some more ideas. As H. L. Mencken put it: "For every human problem there is a solution that is simple, neat, and wrong." Remember: The best way to get a great idea is to get lots of ideas! Just keep at it.

8. REFUSE TO ACCEPT "EITHER OR" THINKING
"Either Or" thinking hems you in, limiting your options way too severely. Always look for a third, fourth, even fifth alternative. Then keep looking for more solutions. And think of a way to combine solutions. For example, instead of a gasoline powered car or an electric car, there's the hybrid car, where two solutions -- gas and electric -- work together.

9. ASK YOURSELF, "WHAT WOULD __________ DO?"
Fill in the blank with the name of a famous person: Groucho Marx, Donald Trump, Madonna. Or think of someone you personally know and admire. Try their way of thinking... and see where it gets you.

10. ASK SOMEONE ELSE
Want some fresh, new ideas? Ask other people what they would do!
No one said you had to go it alone.

11. WALK AWAY FROM IT
Take a walk, do the treadmill, take a shower. "You go back to it," says novelist John Irving (The Cider House Rules), "and you suddenly see something that if you'd been rushing and pushing, you wouldn't have seen." Finally ...

12. HAVE FUN WITH IT
Let's get serious: Problem solving demands a sense of fun. That's what loosens us up and gets our creative juices flowing. Remember: Most of all, problem solving ... is a game!


Adapted from Joel Saltzman's book, "SHAKE THAT BRAIN! - How To Create Winning Solutions and Have FUN While You're At It!," to be published by Wiley 12/05.

Did you know? Here are some Ideas, information, and some intriguing thoughts.

Sex, Alcohol and Students

  • 80-90% of college students have had sexual intercourse.
  • Almost 50% of unplanned sexual encounters are under the influence of alcohol!
  • 80% of first sexual experiences occur under the influence of alcohol!
  • By senior year, 81% of students have had sex because they were drunk.
  • College students who mix alcohol and sex report having more partners whom they know only "slightly" or "moderately."
  • Alcohol impairment often leads to: not knowing your partner; not having a condom available; not using a condom; or not using it correctly.
  • In two-thirds of unplanned pregnancies, the woman was intoxicated during sex.
  • 60% of STDs are transmitted when the partners are drunk.
  • Drinking games are used on campuses as a way for males to deliberately get females drunk quickly, often for purposes of sex.
  • 40% of men in one study thought it was acceptable behavior to force sex on a woman who was drunk.
  • 75% of admitted date rapists said they used alcohol to get dates drunk so they would have sex.
  • 90% of all sexual assaults occur under the influence of alcohol!

Source: “Sex and Alcohol.” Medical College of Georgia. 2004. www.mcg.edu/shs/sexalcho.htm

2006 African American Healthy Marriage Summit

Friday, April 7 – Saturday, April 8, 2006
Mt. Zion Baptist Church,
1301 Alamance Church Road in Greensboro

The Family Life Council is proud to again sponsor the African American Healthy Marriage Summit to celebrate the strengths of African American families and to provide support, encouragement, and education for healthy relationships. For more information, to have your name added to the mailing list, or to join the planning team, contact LaMonica Mitchell at 333-6890 ext. 241.

 

Start 2006 with a gift to support and recognize strong, healthy marriages!

Donate now to the Guilford County Marriage Resource Center , a program of the Family Life Council.

A new year brings the hope of strong healthy marriages and families, and a donation from you today can turn that hope into reality. Give now and your dollars will help fund vital couple communication, marriage mentoring, and pre-marital counseling programs, as well as a resource library for marriage support activities, and a website of marriage related information.

  • A $200 gift allows one couple to complete 5 sessions of premarital counseling.
  • A $150 gift provides marriage mentoring training to 30 people.
  • $50 gift sponsors one couple in a 4-week Couple Communication program.
  • $35 gift sponsors one engaged couple in the Saving Your Marriage Before it Starts program

With your support, the Guilford County Marriage Resource Center is continuing to improve the lives of families in our community. Please help us continue our mission with a tax-deductible donation.

Donate now online or call us at 336-333-6890 ext. 228.

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