What do You Believe About Money?

Financial problems are one of most common reason given for divorce.  The amount of money is less important for the success of a marriage than the way the couple works together to make financial decisions. A person’s orientation toward money will affect how they interact with those around them.  Differences in how individuals in a marriage view money will impact how they are able to relate to one another.  Understanding how your spouse views money and what it means to you is a first step to being able to make financial decisions in such a way as to preserve and strengthen your relationship. From the Empowering Couples book:

§ Money as status is a means of keeping ahead of others.  This kind of attitude falls short of proper financial management and good stewardship, and inappropriately focuses on competitive acquisition of riches.  If the financial foundation is shaky, so is the communication and intimacy.

§ Money as security means a person will have a conservative view of handling his funds.  This can be an area of serious conflict if the spouse is a spendthrift.

§ Money as enjoyment may reveal a frivolous and spend-thrifty approach to spending.  Couples need to agree on how they will use and set aside funds for enjoyment, i.e. vacations, date nights, gifts as rewards.

§ Money as control can reflect a person’s need for power over others.  When one spouse is not willing to relinquish the reins to share in joint management of funds, it puts the relationship in jeopardy.  Many a spouse has been left unexpectedly with an untimely death of their spouse, not knowing anything about the finances.

If a couple has a different orientation of how to manage money, conflict is often inevitable.  You’ve heard the old adage, “money talks”, but the sad fact is that couples often don’t talk when there are money problems.  The Center for Marriage and Family (2000) has found that debt is the number one problem for newlyweds.  In a study of 21, 501 couples, Olson (2003) identified 66% of the couples surveyed indicated problems associated with major debt was one of the five stumbling blocks in marriage.  In contrast, happy couples professed they did not have debt problems.

The Empowering Couples series by Life Innovations explores these views and others. To be part of our next Empowering Couples series or to sponsor your own, contact Rebecca Starnes.

Did you know? Here are some Ideas, information, and some intriguing thoughts.

• 37% of Americans between the ages of 53 and 61 have at least one living parent and one dependent child – the “sandwich generation” 
• About 40% of young adults will return to live with their parents at least once after they leave home. – “boomerang kids”

More than 1100 divorced men and women (ages 40-79) were surveyed.  According to a survey by American Association of Retired Persons (AARP), “The Divorce Experience: A Study of Divorce at Midlife and Beyond", published in May 2004:

• 64% had been married for more than 10 years before they divorced.  32% had been married for more than 20 years.
• 32% reported contemplating divorce for less than a year before taking action.  17% contemplated divorce for more than 5 years.  The most common reasons given for waiting this long were concern for the children and the need to prepare financially for the divorce.
• The most common reasons to have divorced include:
  • verbal, physical, or emotional abuse (34%)
  • different values or lifestyles (29%)
  • cheating (27%)
  • “fell out of love” or no obvious problems (24%) 
• 49% reported suffering from more than a “usual” amount of stress since the divorce.