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in this JUNE issue....

As Guilford County’s only agency specifically focused on family life and parent education, the Family Life Council provides accessible, high quality, and diverse programs, resources and advocacy for today’s families, educators and community agencies.

“Happiness is not the absence of conflict,
but the ability to cope with it.”

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Events of Interest
Click on an item below for more information.
You may register by calling 336-333-6890 ext. 221

PREP: Preparation and Relationship Enhancement Program
 (from the "Fighting for your Marriage" Book)
Tuesday, June 21 and June 28, 2005 from 6:00 - 8:00 pm
Dorothy Bardolph Building  - 301 E. Washington St.; Greensboro, NC  (Click here for directions)

Managing Finances Together
 Tuesday, June 28th,2005 from 7:00-9:00 pm. 
 Dorothy Bardolph Building  - 301 E. Washington St.; Greensboro, NC  (Click here for directions)

Parenting Children of Divorce
Saturday, July 9, 2005 from 8:30am-12:30pm
Dorothy Bardolph Building  - 301 E. Washington St.; Greensboro, NC  (Click here for directions)

Positive Parenting Classes
July 11,18,25, August 1,8, and 15, 2005
Mornings from 10:00-11:30
OR
August 22,29,Sept. 12,19,26, and Oct. 3, 2005
Evenings from 6:00 - 7:30 pm

Talking with Adolescents About Sexuality
Wednesday, June 29, 2005 from 6:30 - 8:00 pm
Glenwood Branch Library

Becoming Passionate Partners
Thursday, July 21, 2005 from 7:00 – 9:00 pm
Mount Zion Baptist Church - 1301 Alamance Church Rd.; Greensboro, NC
How to Promote Intimacy in Your Marriage.


After being married for a few years, people put less effort into how they relate to their spouse. The culprit often turns out to be familiarity. Mates often assume “It doesn't matter how I look, we’re married now. He/She should accept me as I am!” That kind of attitude can create problems as time goes on. When you dated your spouse, you put on your best behavior; you looked your best – all for the purpose of impressing your mate and putting yourself in first place. This behavior and appearance is part of what attracted your spouse.

Since marriage is for a lifetime, courting one another should be for the life of your marriage. Following are three secrets to keep the passion in your marriage.

Keep looking good for your mate:

  • Avoid the “24/7”habit of looking your worse whenever you’re home. Take time to dress up for your spouse when he or she is not expecting it. Stay in shape or get in shape. Don’t let the “good life” grossly affect your looks. Get on an exercise program together.
  • Maintain good hygiene. Poor hygiene can be a deterrent to intimacy.

Keep the love lights burning by scheduling romantic rendezvous:

  • Whether you’re on a low budget or you’re able to splurge, time alone is necessary for continued growth in your relationship. Low budget dates can often be some of the most memorable and valued times. Set the atmosphere at home with the kind of ambiance both of you appreciate and have dinner with the focus for the evening being you and your spouse.
  • Write love notes and put them in unexpected places for your spouse.

Keep feeding each other with words of affirmation and encouragement:

  • Give praise to your spouse for things you appreciate. Tell him/her she looks good. Call your spouse in the middle of the day and say “I just called to tell you I love you.” Or, if he/she is dealing with a challenging situation “You’re a winner in my eyes.”
  • Apologize when you’ve been wrong about something.

To learn more, plan to be part of "Becoming Passionate Partners" on Thursday, July 21, 2005 from 7:00 – 9:00 pm at Mount Zion Baptist Church. (1301 Alamance Church Rd.; Greensboro, NC) For more information, please contact LaMonica Mitchell at 333-6890 ext. 241.

Fighting Fairly in your Marriage

One of the keys to a successful marriage is the ability to manage conflict. While conflict is a normal occurrence in every marriage, couples are often unprepared to deal with it. Unresolved conflicts lead to dissatisfaction and disillusionment within marriage, possibly leading to a divorce. Using the following guidelines, couples can develop a plan to successfully manage conflict.

Ground Rules for Fighting Fairly

  • Identify a mutually agreeable time for your discussion.
  • Identify a neutral location for your discussion.
  • Agree on the topic for discussion beforehand.
  • No physical and verbal abuse.
  • No offensive remarks about ideas, characters, or behavior.
  • Do not put the relationship on the line when you are not having your way.
  • The person presenting the concerns begins by making a full statement, without interruption. The second person restates their understanding of the first person’s statement, without interruption. When the first person agrees that the second person has understood, the second person has the opportunity to respond. The first person restates the second’s person response to check for understanding.

Establishing guidelines will help couples to understand one another’s perspective and identify mutually agreeable options that may resolve the issue. If emotions prevent guidelines from being observed, declare a time–out. Reschedule for a time when both parties have calmed down.

Adapted from Gross, Stanley J. (2005). How to Fight Fairly. Retrieved from www.helphorizons.com on June 7, 2005 .

Did you know? Here are some Ideas, information, and some intriguing thoughts.

Now is the time to plan for fall programs!

Your congregation or community organization can sponsor workshops for marriage enrichment, preparation or relationship development.  These workshops focus on helping to strengthen relationships by focusing on the key skills that have been proven to keep relationships strong and healthy for many years. Staff from the Family Life Council’s Marriage Resource Center can present a one-time program or a multi-week series to your group. Some ideas might include:

  • Couple Communication
  • PREP/Fighting for Your Marriage
  • Empowering Couples 
  • Building Relationships
  • How Not to Marry a Jerk (or Jerkette)

Contact Rebecca Starnes to discuss sponsoring a program.

Protecting the Friendship with your Spouse

In the book Fighting for Your Marriage, Howard Markman, Scott Stanley, and Susan Blumberg identify several elements to protecting and nurturing a strong marriage over time. One key is to remain friends with your spouse. Unfortunately many couples forget this and let time constraints, unresolved conflicts, and familiarity get in the way.

How can couples protect their friendship with each other?

Make time. Choose to spend time alone together. Make being together a priority.

Protect your friendship from conflict. While conflicts will arise, deal with them in a way that protects your friendship. Fight “fairly” and don’t let unresolved conflicts fester.

Talk like friends. Many people speak to their spouses in ways they would never speak to anyone else. Be kind, considerate, listen. When listening, listen to understand your partner, not to judge, criticize, or change.

Be supportive. In life we will all face challenges, obstacles, and criticisms. We also all benefit from having uncompromising support from someone we trust. Spouses can be that support for one another.
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