Ten Reasons to NOT Get Married

The reasons for getting married have an impact on the quality of the marriage. There are some reasons that can have a very negative impact and should be addressed before getting married. Les & Leslie Parrot have identified 10 reasons and discuss them in depth in their book entitled "Getting Ready for the Wedding." Here is their top 10 list of reasons NOT to get married as extracted from the book:

1. Love at first sight seems like a romantic reason for marriage, but it's not a good predictor of marital success. Such feelings alone provide a weak foundation for a long-lasting relationship.
2. Rebounding also hinders the chances for marital longevity. Research has found that people suffer low self-esteem after a breakup and are far less discriminating in choosing a partner because they are trying to cope with their loss.
3. Rebellion leads some into a marital mismatch. The truth is, parental interference can increase feelings of romantic attraction between partners - social-psychologists call it the "Romeo and Juliet Effect." As with marriage on the rebound, the wedding is a response to someone else rather than to one's partner.
4. Loneliness can sometimes drive a person into a hasty marriage. The problem with this motivation is that lonely people will en up lonely in marriage if the relationship doesn't have much more of a foundation to stand on. In other words, it is the relationship rather than the institution that banishes loneliness.
5. Obligation sometimes substitutes for love when considering marriage. Some partners marry because one of them feels too guilty to break it off or feels as though they must help the other. Such marriages don't work because the helper finds that his or her partner won't change so easily, and the pitied partner comes to resent being the object of a crusade.
6. Financial advancement is a marriage motivator for some. The person going into marriage mainly for economic reasons is not a likely candidate for marrying well.
7. Sexual attraction and guilt over sexual involvement is a popular but weak reasons for marriage. Sex is not a sufficient reason to marry and seldom leads to lifelong happiness. In fact, the sexual chemistry between two people often blinds the partners to other important relational qualities.
8. Premarital pregnancy is not a reason for marriage. A great deal of recent research has identified a consistent relationship between it and divorce.
9. Escape is perhaps the most damaging motivation for marriage. Some people marry to escape an unhappy home situation, hoping that a new person or a new environment will be better. Escaping from a situation is very different than choosing a life time partner.
10. Pressure from parents, peers, and society in general pushes some singles into marriage. The more one is identified as a couple, the more difficult it is to back out of an engagement. You should know, however, that breaking an engagement is less stressful than divorcing later or being unhappily married. By the way, about 100,000 couples decide to break their engagements each year.

Much can be done before a wedding to build a strong foundation for a healthy marriage.Engaged couples can complete the PREPARE inventory free of charge at the Family Life Council. Another option is to attend a workshop series. Click here to see the community calendar of events this summer. To learn more, contact Rebecca Starnes.

Did you know? Here are some Ideas, information, and some intriguing thoughts.

In a 2002 survey of divorced adults, these were identified as contributing factors to their divorces.

• Lack of commitment - 84.9%
• Too much arguing 59.2%
• Infidelity - 57.7%
• Married too young - 42.9%
• Little or no marriage prep - 41.4%
• Economic Hardship - 38.9%
• Domestic Violence - 30.1%
• Religious differences - 20.6%

C.A. Johnson, S.M. Stanley, and N.D. Glenn. Marriage in Oklahoma: 2001 baseline statewide survey on marriage and divorce.