• Did I Marry the Right Person?
• Grant Writing Lab
• Traveling on Vacation with Children
• Ponder This!

DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?
This thought provoking article was sent to the Marriage Resource Center anonymously. We thought you might find the information helpful, and we gratefully thank the writer for their contribution.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love... Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU. Falling is love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside our marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT JUST FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON;
IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression "the labor of love." Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work. Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage. Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable... you can "make" love.

Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... Not just a feeling.

Traveling on Vacation with Children

By LaMonica Mitchell, Marriage Educator (& Mother of 2 adult sons and the grandmother of 1 grandson! )

Vacationing is generally regarded as synonymous with out-of-school fun. The challenge, however, can be when parents and children vacation together. Traveling time can be the most stressful part on everyone. This parent-child excursion brings with it unique challenges that need to be met with skill, wisdom and creativity in order for everyone to have fun on the journey.

Parents need to know preparation is important if you hope to successfully maneuver through the maze of situations that can arise. Thorough planning is one key to guarding against unexpected surprises. Helpful hints include:

• Provide age-appropriate activities, electronic games, and books.
• Choose nutritious snacks (stay away from sugar-laden munchies that get kids hyped up).
• Communicate travel plans with everyone so you will share the same expectations.
• Get adequate rest before the trip.

Have traveling activities prepared that involve all age groups. Today, many families travel with DVD players and other electronic gadgets, but they take away family interaction and decrease communication. Use your creativity to generate some good family fun and intergenerational connectedness. Here are some ideas to get you started:

• License Tag Game - The object of the game is for each person to choose a license plate and make up an extravagant exaggeration or something that is totally outrageous. For instance, RWE 1920 could be interpreted: Ralph Waldo Emerson had nineteen children in twenty years! Or, 1,920 running wild elephants were sighted in (name of state)! Another license plate game is to try to find as many license plates as possible from different states by the time you get to your destination, and then decide on a family reward. It gets everyone looking out of the windows, instead of being concerned with so-and-so is “touching me” or “messing with my things.”

• In the airport, try playing the “Alphabet Game” with the destination names on the marques. You can also try to find different destination cities on the maps in the airline magazines.

• Invite older children to help navigate your route and calculate the distance to the destination by using maps.

Vacations are a great time to bond. They promote creativity, spontaneity, and generate lots of laughter. Take advantage of your time together and have fun!