1) Do not rush to get married. In general, the older a couple is, the greater the chance that their marriage will go the distance. Also, the time together before marriage sets a foundation for your relationship. Get to know each other well, in a variety of situations.
Relationships tend to develop one of these three ways: fast and passionate, slow and rocky, or somewhere in between. According to a study's lead investigator, "People who had very intense, Hollywood-type romances at the beginning were likely to have a big drop-off later on, and this often changed their view of the other's character.” Slow and steady wins the race.
2) Become educated about relationships. Read books, talk to successful couples, or attend a workshop. While some people see this as unromantic, it actually can make relationships stronger and happier over time. Healthy relationship skills are learned and will increase the likelihood that your relationship will be more satisfying and long lasting. Click here for scheduled events and workshops in the area.
3) Develop healthy communications skills and conflict resolution skills. Successful couples do argue. The key is in HOW they argue and how they treat each other when they argue. Positive, collaborative strategies build stronger relationships while negative patterns of interaction tear apart relationships. No matter how much you know right now, there is always more to learn. Click here to see scheduled classes and workshops.
4) Complete a Premarital Inventory. If it looks like this relationship may be getting serious enough that it could lead to marriage some day, we strongly suggest that you take a premarital inventory such as PREPARE or RELATE before you actually get engaged. Any of these inventories will give you a roadmap of areas in your relationship that you still need to talk about together before you make a final decision concerning your future together. Many churches offer one of these instruments to their engaged couples as part of their marriage preparation process. The Guilford County Marriage Resource Center also offers the Prepare Inventory
for only $80 fee for 3 feedback sessions
to seriously dating and engaged couples. Click here for more information.
5) Participate in a Marriage Preparation Program. If the two of you do decide to get married, participate in the most rigorous Marriage Preparation Program you can find. We take classes before getting a driver’s license, becoming an architect, a teacher, a nurse, or an engineer. Being married is a "skilled profession", and the good news is that the necessary skills can be taught and they can be learned. The time you spend preparing for your marriage will have a much greater impact on your life than the time you spend preparing for your wedding. Remember - a wedding is just a day but a marriage is a lifetime.
6) Avoid living together. One of the most common reasons people give for living together is to prepare for a successful marriage. But marriage and cohabiting are not the same and current research shows it does not work to strengthen marriage. 40% of cohabitants break up before getting married. And those who do end up marrying each other after living together experience a 50% higher divorce rate than couples who had not lived together.
For an interesting discussion of why living together fails as a "trial marriage”, check out two letters written by Dr. Willard Harley. To find those letters, visit Dr. Harley's website at www.marriagebuilders.com.
Being in a serious relationship can be incredibly exciting, but there are also concerns for the future. Use this time to strengthen your relationship and lay a foundation for a wonderful future together. The following are suggestions to think about and talk about with your partner. 
