 If you are separated or thinking about separating from your spouse, does this mean that your marriage is over?
No. In fact, according to a report published in the Journal of Marriage and the Family, "approximately five million couples, or 10% of all currently married couples in the United States, have experienced a separation and reconciliation in their marriage".
Couples who separated used that time as a chance to do some real learning - learning about themselves, about relationships in general, and about what is going wrong in their own relationship.
Your marriage is at a very critical juncture right now. A at some point you and your partner are going to have to make a very important decision, one that is going to impact you and your children (if you have children) for the rest of your lives. Namely, are you going to try to put this relationship back together again or are you going to get a divorce? The more calm you are when that critical decision is made, the more likely you are going to be to make the right decision for all of you.
Use this time to:
Stop fighting with your spouse. Stop fighting, and stop deliberately trying to hurt each other. Call a cease-fire, and you, the one who is reading this, should be the one to go first.
Think about the future. Don’t concentrate on what has happened in the past as much as think about what you and your family want for your future. Dwelling on past hurts and conflicts keeps us from enjoying the present or from moving towards our future goals.
Find resources to help you and your family. Talking to a third party, a therapist, minister, or rabbi, may give you a new perspective to see your situation more clearly. Work on developing new communication or conflict resolution skills. Click here to see scheduled events
If you decide to try to put your marriage back together again, there are plenty of resources available for you here in Guilford County. This web site describes many of them. Spend some time on the various sections of this web site exploring what is available. |
